How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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