How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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