How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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