How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What did Delaware?

A New Jersey.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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