How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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