How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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