How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Why did they kick cinderella off the baseball team?

She kept running away from the ball.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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