How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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