How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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