How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What letter can you drink?

T (tea)
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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