How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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What do camels use to hide themselves?

Camelflauge
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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