How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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