How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Shocked.
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