How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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