How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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