How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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