How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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