How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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