How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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