How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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