How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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