How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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Can you say Richard and Robert had a rabbit without using the "r" sound?

Sure, Dick and Bob had a bunny!
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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