How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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