How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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