How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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