How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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