How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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