How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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