How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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