How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.


It's something I could really see myself doing.
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