How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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