How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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