How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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