How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What did Tennessee?

The same thing Arkansas.
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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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