How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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Name four men that are in a rock group together but none of them sing nor play music...

Mt Rushmore. They're a rock group.. it's a rock...group
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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