How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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