How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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