How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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