How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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