How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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