How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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