How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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