How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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