How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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