How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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