How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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