How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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