How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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