How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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