How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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