How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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