How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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