How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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