How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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