How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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