How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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