How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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Why is slippery ice like music?

If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!

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