How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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