How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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