How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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