How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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