How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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