How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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