How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.

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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."

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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.

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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.

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