How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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