How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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