How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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