How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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