How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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