How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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What letter can you drink?

T (tea)
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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