How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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