How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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