How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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