How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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