How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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