How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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