How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What is a tornado's favorite game?

Twister!
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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