How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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