How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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