How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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