How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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