How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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