How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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