How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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