How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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