How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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What breakfast cereal does Frosty the Snowman eat?

Snowflakes.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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