How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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