How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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