How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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