How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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