How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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