How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What do you get if Bach falls off a horse but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?

Bach in the saddle again.

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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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