How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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