How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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