How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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