How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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