How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What did Cinderella say to the photographer?

Some day my prints will come.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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