How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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