How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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