How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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The stormtrooper was enjoying the Wookie steak,

but it was a little Chewie.
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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