How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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