How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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