How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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Why did the banana split?

It saw the ginger snap.
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