How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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