How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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