How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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