How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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