How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?

``Twelve. Ya got a problem with that?''
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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