How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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What did one flower say to the other flower?

Hey, bud!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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