How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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