How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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