How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Some people believe that becoming a vegitarian is just a mistake...

A Missed-steak.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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