How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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