How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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