How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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