How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?

Not enough cement.
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What do you get if Bach falls off a horse but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?

Bach in the saddle again.

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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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