How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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