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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?
No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.
Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.
People must be dying to get in there.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?
A hoarse fly!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.
Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?
The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?
None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?
A chili dog on a bun.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?
Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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