How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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