How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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