How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Shocked.
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