How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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