How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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