How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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