How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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