How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.

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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.

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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.


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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That's not funny!!!


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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.

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