How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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