How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What is an astronauts favorite key on the keyboard?

The space bar!
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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