How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb?

It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the switch.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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