How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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