How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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