How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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