How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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